Recently a very witty email circulated with famous personalities answering the question "Why did the chicken cross the road?"  Alas, there was room to grow and so members of the Chico Writer’s Group were handed an "optional" writing exercise which was to add to the laundry list.  Here you are: (the bits contributed by CWG members are acknowledged, the remainder came via the original email, hats off to the originator of this!)

TOM BROCKAW: I don’t care why the chicken crossed the road but I wish he would stick to the rules he established and do it in less than a minute. (Contributed by Lynn Houston)

KATIE COURIC: Now, Miss Chicken, would you say that you crossed the road because you wanted to set an example for the other chickens, or should I say, flock; or was this a statement?  Maybe you felt there was a better selection of grain or maybe you were simply fed up with the pecking order, not that I’m putting words in your mouth… or should I call it a beak? (Contributed by Kathie Leung)

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

JOE BIDEN:  I saw that chicken on Union Street in Wilmington.  He was
having a meal at Katie’s Restaurant.  I said to him "Hey, how’s it going?" and he said "You know, I was doing really well until my house was foreclosed and I had to cross the road to live elsewhere. And I had to walk here because I couldn’t afford to fill my gas tank."   (contributed by Brad Cook)

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

SARAH PALIN: I’m not going to answer that question because I want to talk straight to all those hockey moms and Joe Six-Packs out there and say, doggone it, we’re not going to let the government tell that chicken how to cross the road. (Contributed by Brad Cook)

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One! that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn’t about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY: Where’s my gun?

COLIN POWELL: Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY: Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken’s intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON: Why are all the chickens in the story white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won’t realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he’s acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I’m going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across
the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

BARNEY STIMPSON (HOW I MET YOUR MOTHER): Dude, you know we can’t talk about that, it’s covered in the Bro’s before Ho’s book.  But I can tell you this, I got to see it with my very own eyes and it was totally AWESOME!  It was I, Barney Stimpson, who saw what is now legen – wait for it – dary! (Contributed by Z-Dude and Ry-Guy)

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE: That chicken crossed the road because he’s guilty! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART: No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer’s Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I’ve not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die in the rain, alone.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS: Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish it’s lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS: Did I miss one?