#Queryfail on Twitter

Kathie — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 20:25:31 +0000

Agents and editors are posting snippets of what makes a query fail. Searching Twitter using the #queryfail tag, you can see all of these tweets. This has been a very educational, if not funny, experience.

Here are some of the pass/fail, along with sage advice, query tweets (taken verbatim)

“dear editor, hello! I would like to thank you for taking the time to read the first 3 chapters…” Absolutely no need, seriously	fail
“The purpose of this letter is not earth shaking, so, if it will be ignored, and I’m sure it will” Yeah. Now it will.	fail
“Allow me the privilege of publishing it through your company, so I can be the best selling author I know I am meant to be.”	fail
The Artichoke and the Onion: A Love Story (in which artichoke peels away layers to reval its “secret hidden place inside”)	fail
Here are synopsis for fifteen completely different projects I’ve completed. I am currently working on these 5 additional novels.	fail
Greetings from Sweden. We hardly have any agents. So I sent my query directly to the publisher. Book’ll be out this spring.	fail
“P.S. I collect stamps. Should you have any stamp… that is destined for the trash can, [please] stuff them in the enclosed SASE.	fail
Page numbers, no. Chapter heading, no. ANY sort of header, no. #queryfail, yes	fail
Dear XX Publishing, I guess I am unable to write a synposis that is short and reflects my manuscript so…”	fail
“Have u ever lost yr partner in the fringes of a war u didn’t approve of which subjecting him to an unsubstantiated war?” Grammar	fail
I’M TYPING MY QUERY IN ALL CAPS SO YOU WILL BE SURE TO NOTICE IT. Okay, now that my pupils have stopped burning	fail
“This is a very exciting narrative which relates how I was attacked by a whore house” Exciting in what sense?	fail
“[TITLE redacted] contains sexually graphic descriptions, a violent rape scene [...] and mayhem. On the bright side…” No.	fail
It is unnecessary (and $$$) to fed-ex queries, it ends up in the same stack.	advice
“enclosed is a sample of my book XX. It is incomplete but there is enough for you to get an idea of the content.” Errr….	fail
Creepy query = having your character send the query	fail
My favorite query typo from past: She mustard her power	fail
A classic: don’t use a spokesperson, ok? Don’t let your dad/lawyer/wife/brother query on your behalf	advice
If your spam blocker has to authorize my response to your query, I probably won’t resent – approve agent emails ahead of time	advice
FedExing with signature required a query letter?	advice
not using contractions in your character dialogue/narrative… (unless it’s time period appropriate)	advice
Don’t send me your manuscript and tell me to start reading at page 312 because that’s “where it gets good”	fail
It isn’t a #queryfail, but you should know that unnecessary pen names do make me wonder about you	advice
These words are the kiss of death: “first book in a [multi]-book series	fail
People, query one book at a time please	advice
Handwritten query on scrap paper w/ eyeblass ad/7th bday party cloud paper/label peel saying “Sorry about the paper, we recycle”	fail
You want to write a nonfiction book but you have no impressive credentials or platform? This is a huge issue, folks	advice
Sentence fragments, which are not used for effect	fail
“This novel is very similar to The Da Vinci Code but much more plausible and better written.”	fail
“I read about ur interest in poetry so Im querying U” Really? Where? You mean in my gidelines whre it says I dont accept poetry?	fail
“I have covered my sexual exploits with literally hundreds of women, mostly exotic dancers” – sorry, yuck	fail
Authors, PLEASE use a tracking system and don’t query the same agent multiple times with an already-rejected book!	advice
Writing back to my form rejection for me to recommend another agent at my 2 person agency.	advice
Tight first paragraph, references, a recent relevant blog post of mine, awesome hook, good pages. Query WIN!	pass
One line hook, wordcount, genre, short blurb, short paragraph of writing background and polite closing. Query win	pass
tells me you read interview with me re: your genre, tells me what you learned from interview, & how your book is a fit. Win.	pass
Top reasons I don’t read further: overwriting, info dumping and starting the story in the wrong place (often relates to info dump)	advice

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Happy query writing!

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#Queryfail on Twitter